Rumor has it that Jack the Ripper, contrary to the popular belief that he was a ladies’ man, was actually dickless,(Note 1) or at least suffered from a pretty severe case of microphallus.(Note 2) A little ironic, maybe, but, then again, maybe not. It seems that the Ripper’s ill nature against women was probably due to his inability (despite his immense desire) to fuck them physically, and therefore grew frustrated with them, particularly the whores. (Of course, he may have singled out the whores because they’re not real people anyway, and therefore open to killing without serious moral repercussions.)
However, the Ripper’s anxiety was caused by his physical inability to throw anything more than a night-crawler into a box. There are also mental anxieties caused by social standards, particularly associated with gender roles.
Of course, I’m talking about faggots (Note 3) and homophobes.
Check out this link: http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/study-proves-homophobes-are-nothing-more-than-closet-homosexuals-what-do-you-think/question-140910/
In short, it says that homophobic men who go out of their way to prove they’re straight, often at the bashing of queers, are more likely to be turned on by homoerotic pornography than are straight guys that just don’t give a shit about homosexuals. (Of course, this link may not be the best source, as it was apparently written by a gay, but fuck it: OJ Simpson got off (no pun intended) on his own word; maybe we can overlook this queer’s bloody glove, too.)
This is an issue that will have to be addressed at one point or another, because while I’m not comfortable with the thought of two men fucking, (Note 4) I’m also not comfortable with Congress or the Church telling me how I should or should not fuck. (Note 5) Let’s assume for a minute that these gays are real, live people (not like the aforementioned whores), and deserve the same rights as we do. (Note 6) Would you want a gay guy telling you where to put your dick? Not me! So why should straights, clearly the majority, have any say over where a gay guy should stuff his mutton?
So let’s clear up a couple of things:
Marriage. Fuck it, let ‘em get married. If being gay is just another demographic (in that it is largely something that gays are naturally (I don’t understand the chemistry, but I don’t have to: I choose to fuck what I want to fuck; let a gay guy or gal choose for themselves)), than is it not discriminatory to permit same-sex marriages? Fact is, we’ve got other shit to worry about.
Gays in the military. I’ve met some smart queers, and I’ve met some dumb military folk. Hmmm… who would I prefer defending the country? The smart guys, regardless of their orientation. Fact is, you don’t have to be straight to be a good soldier, just hard-working, conscientious, and, hey, being smart would help, too. Being gay just doesn’t matter. (Note 7)
Before you go thinking I’m a little light in the loafers, though, and that I swing my bat into the foul zone, I do have to say this: Gay pride parades are bullshit, largely because if there were a straight-pride parade, the faggots would be up in arms about it. I believe that one of the reasons there is such a distinction now between a straight guy like me and blacks and gays is because the blacks and gays keep reminding me and the rest of America of that difference. (Yeah, I think the Million Man March was bullshit, too.) You are born black, or become gay, or whatever: Why be proud of something you had no control over? Let me ask it like this: Why be ashamed of something you had no control over? Be proud of the choices you have made. Be ashamed of the choices you have made. Near as I can tell, being black or gay has little to do with the cosmically big life choices you’ve made, and if they do, you’ve probably made a fucked-up decision somewhere, and allowed yourself to be defined by your color, your orientation… demographics. Congratulations: You’ve become a statistic.
Now, although I can accept that there are those that are different from me, and that they lead different lifestyles in one facet or another, that doesn’t mean I am curious about that lifestyle.(Note 8) It’s almost like being nice to a fat girl: She hardly ever gets a guy to talk to her like she’s a human, so when she does, she assumes he’s interested. Gays are kind of like that: If you accept that they putt from the rough and gargle semen, they assume that you’re in their club, and that you want to fuck them. Don’t get me wrong: It’s flattering in the same way that a fat girl dropping the drumstick for just a moment is, but it does nothing for me. If God could come down and make all gays into women, that’d be great, because not all women would use their pussies like a change purse: Opening it up when they want something.
Note 1: In Patricia Cornwell’s book “Portrait of a Killer: Jack Ripper, Case Closed”, one of the theories written on the Ripper was that he was “badly disfigured… possibly had his privy member destroyed, and [that he was] now revenging himself on the sex by these atrocities.” (I’d probably want to kill somebody, too, and jump rope with their intestines.) It was also amusingly annotated that one of the Ripper suspects, Walter Sickert, was probably incapable of a hard-on, and had to squat like a woman to piss. I’ll say that: Ted Bundy was one sick fuck, but at least he had a dick and fucked lots of women.
Note 2: I was looking up the word microphallus to make certain I had it spelled correctly, and learned that microphallus is “defined as a stretched penile length of less than 2.5 standard deviations (SDs) below the mean for age.” (http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/923178-overview) I also learned that treatments for the unfortunate condition are hormone therapy (testosterone) or gender reassignment. I was unable to find a chart which indicated, by age, what an appropriate length should be, but can only assume that I suffer from MACROphallus (“An abnormally large penis”, http://www.medilexicon.com/medicaldictionary.php?s=macropenis), putting me at about 2.5 SDs ABOVE the mean.
Note 3: I tend to speak in profanities, so if the word “faggot” offends you, remember: Just because you suck dick doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch.
Note 4: I am VERY comfortable with the prospect of watching two women fuck, or perform cuntilingus (sic?), or even sling shit at one another from bras made up into slingshots, so long as they, for fuck’s sake, do it NAKED. (They can’t be fat, either, but possibly ugly with a GREAT body.)
Note 5: I do not think that fucking a woman in the ass is akin to fucking a man in the ass. My buddy the Orangutan one time said that he would never sodomize a woman because then he’d know what fucking a man’s ass was like. I have this to say: Tits. Balls. Hairy assholes. A mile-long taint versus a centimeter. Oh, and, IT’S A WOMAN. His argument was like saying he’d never take head from a woman because her mouth had a tongue and some teeth (“Easy, bitch.”), just like a man’s does. NONSENSE. I would also titty-fuck a woman, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be thinking about fucking a fat dude’s bitch-tits. (Of course, the Orangutan is now a sexual deviant, and would probably fuck a pork sandwich if it were warm, had enough condiments, and no one was looking. I one time had to say that I’d fuck a cow for $20 just to get him to quit asking me if I would. Of course, this sick fuck starts stopping by pastures, so I had to recant my previous statement, but he still brings it up. What a sick bastard.)
Note 6: I think that being gay is just another demographic, like gender and race, and is not something you choose. There are those that think being gay makes you an instant sinner, (Fuck you, Catholic Church: Father Bad-Touch has given you enough on your plate without you casting your own aspersions.) which, to me, is kind of ridiculous.
Note 7: The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy is arguably in defense of gays in the military; I happen to think that it is as much bullshit as affirmative action is. Both have their roots in discrimination, and although they are both in place in order to assure greater freedom of action for gays and minorities, they imply that discrimination is an accepted part of the system; they counter discrimination, but do nothing to fix it. Gays are still not allowed in the military, but if nobody knows about their gayness, then that’s okay; meanwhile, Private Duke knocks his wife up for the eighth time, and he doesn’t have to conceal it. Don’t tell me it’s progressive; it only accepts the discrimination and makes it a more solidified part of the system.
Note 8: I one time dated a New Age chick that was into horoscopes and signs and yoga. She had tremendously big tits, so I went with it, but at the end of our first date, after talking about this hippie shit and that hippie shit, she took me to the shop she managed, a yoga/fortune teller shop. Because I didn’t say that I thought astrology was a bunch of shit in the first place, she then proceeded to have me read a chapter on my birthday and what sort of person I was. I read it, and sure enough, it sounded like me. Then I picked some arbitrary date, and read it. Guess what? It sounded like me! (The way those things are written, you’ll see vague descriptions that could be you if you stretch them far enough and believe them hard enough…) At any rate, I did wind up fucking her. Now she’s married and doesn’t look so hippy-esque, but what’s that matter? I stained her cervix; that’s all I care about.
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